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How well do you manage change in your life?
It's an important question, as practically every philosopher
in history has pointed out, because change is the only
constant in life; it's the one thing we can really count on.
And as there are so many circumstances out there in the
world we can't control, it's worth taking a good hard look
at how you manage the one common denominator in the midst of
your perpetually variable life: you.
In this issue I'll outline some things you can do to face
change head on and meet it with strength, courage, and
grace.
For our purposes, let's put the wide variety of changes you
experience in your life into two categories: those you
choose to make (e.g., moving across the country, starting a
new career, ending/beginning a relationship), and those you
don't choose (e.g., illness in yourself or a loved one,
getting laid off or fired, ending/beginning a relationship).
What's true in both types, is that to achieve the outcome
you want, you must meet both with full awareness, courage,
and faith that it will turn out for the best. In other
words, you have to show up. To do that most effectively,
consider the following
Clarify your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors related to
the change
I lead a workshop I designed called Managing Change in
corporations. Instead of presenting the participants with a
prepackaged diagram describing the cycle of change, we
create one together, based on their actual life experiences
in dealing with changes.
The first thing I have them do is look at some of the
changes they are currently moving through, and together we
make lists of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This
allows them to get in touch with the nature of how they're
taking charge of the situation and how they're reacting.
Looking at the changes also allows them to notice themselves
objectively, without judgment.
If you find yourself lost in the storm of the events (and
sometimes chaos) around you, take some time for self
reflection to understand what you think and feel and to take
stock of your actions.
Understand the natural cycle of change
In the workshop, participants create a sequence of five or
six phases of change. What's interesting is that every time
I've worked through this with groups, there are subtle
differences, but essentially, they all come up with the same
things. Here's what the cycle looks like:
- Realization/the Unknown: whether this is a change you've
chosen or not, there's almost always a degree of fear or
discomfort when beginning the process of moving into the
unknown.
- Contemplation: during this phase, much of your time and
energy is spent focused on how you got here, why this change
is occurring, and what your options are. The more you can
let go of fear or confusion, the better prepared you'll be
to handle the change.
- Planning: this is where you weigh your options, start to
make decisions about what actions to take, and what you want
the outcome to be.
- Implementation: this is putting the plan into action. If
you've given careful consideration to all your options and
you're clear on what you want, you should feel a great deal
of strength and conviction here. Inaction because of
second-guessing can be detrimental.
- Outcomes: now you start seeing the results of your
actions, and stay aware of yourself and the situation at all
times. It's critical that you keep evaluating and adjusting
in order to stay on track.
- Integration: the final phase of the change cycle is the
easiest and most organic. Like a butterfly emerging from a
chrysalis, you see your learning and growth most powerfully.
You're not the same person that began the process and you
live in a larger world for having gone through it.
What's important to note about this cycle is that it's
happening whether you know it or not. By becoming aware of
the cycle and what phase you're in at any given time, you
allow yourself to make your choices based on the best
possible outcome. Where we get into trouble in life is when
we make choices by default, or worse, simply allow them to
be made for us.
Let the universe polish you into a jewel
Thomas Carlyle said, "Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven
polishes its jewels with."
There's a simple question to ask yourself during the process
of change to keep you on track. "When I look back on this,
who do I want to have been and how do I want to have acted?"
Write your answer in the form of a mission statement for
moving through the change: two or three concise sentences
that clarify the question. Make it a reflection of the
person you strive to be, of the jewel you're becoming as
you're being polished.
Learn to love the process of change
Some changes you'll never love. The man who becomes the
caregiver for his mother as she enters Alzheimer's disease
is obviously a different story than the woman who wins the
lottery.
But you can learn to love the process of change if not the
change itself. This is a topic for an entire book, but the
nutshell version is getting to a deeper, perhaps spiritual
understanding that the world is what it is, beyond the
insignificance of our thoughts and emotions.
It's a matter of adopting the serenity prayer: "(God), grant
me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know
the difference." Whether you believe in a higher power or
not, learning to love the process of change is about giving
up control and allowing what will be to be.
The fact is, you're moving through change every moment of
your existence: some of it minor, some massive. The degree
to which you can stay focused on your sense of strength and
grace throughout will determine your level of peace and
satisfaction as you integrate it into your life.
If you want to put these steps into practice, download the
worksheet I've attached. It's a PDF, so if you don't have
the reader, you can download it from Adobe.
Wishing you much success,
RJ
P.S. Who do you know that is experiencing a great deal of
change in their lives? Please forward this issue on if you
think it will be a benefit to them.
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Feature Article: Managing Change