The Actor's Success: Free Stuff

Asking for Help is an Act of Generosity

The Actor's Success
the online eZine for Actors
who want thriving careers
from Robin Jones

Volume I, issue 5
December 2004

"No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong,
gentle and good, without the world being better for it,
without somebody being helped and comforted by the very
existence of that goodness."
--Alan Alda

Well, I just returned from NYC - I hadn't been since I was
sixteen. My friend Ben, a professional actor in New York had
challenged me, saying, "look: to take your coaching to the
next level, you need to know what the daily grind is in New
York. You need to see firsthand what professional actors
are up against."

Of course he's right. I have several clients in New York
already, but my contact with the city is limited. So I
rented a table in the exhibition hall of Actor Fest
(Backstage's event) and set out to really feel what actors
experience there, responding with my strengths and gifts.

I got sick. The whole week I was there, I was so ill I could
hardly get out of the apartment. When Actor Fest came on
Saturday, I felt better, but hardly 100%, so I toughed it
out.

I've always considered myself quite self-sufficient and
capable. In fact my need for independence has often made me
a bit arrogant in this regard (just ask my wife). But on
Saturday, my feeling was quite different.

Ben was there, another friend had flown up from Louisville
to meet me there, and two clients that I had never met in
person were there. I can't describe the sense of support I
felt, simply knowing that I had a circle of friends around
me. They constantly checked in on me, asking if I needed a
bite to eat or a bathroom break.

I would have been OK without them, but they allowed me a
precious gift: the freedom to quit worrying about details
like eating and peeing, and instead I was allowed to fully
engage with the actors that approached my table, full of
dreams and excitement, and fear and confusion. Without the
help of my friends, I would have missed out on the whole
point of my trip. Because my friends helped me, I was able
to fully give myself to the actors who needed me.

Later on it occurred to me that although my friends went to
Actor Fest for their own purposes, they also got something
more by being there to support me. Their helping me didn't
put them out or inconvenience them; on the contrary, it made
them feel great, knowing they came to the aid of someone
they love.

Here's the point: people love you and want you to succeed.

I'm not talking just about mom and dad and your close
friends. I'm not even talking just about your agent (you
already know she/he wants you to succeed). I'm talking about
those tough, sometimes brutal casting directors sitting
across the audition table from you.

It may be hard to believe, but they want you to be the right
person for the role, and not only because they're tired and
want to be done casting, or that it will make their name.
It's also because they're in this business for the same
reason you are: they love it and the people in it.

They love your fire and passion for the business. They love
your talent and polished technique. They love your ability
to make them smile one moment and break their hearts the
next. They love your humanity.

Think about an actor you've worked with whose work you
admire. Someone whom you know is talented enough to take on
any role.

Don't you bask in their magnificence? Aren't you awed when
they really turn up the heat? Doesn't your heart open up to
them, and it makes you love them and want them to succeed?
And don't you feel that if they asked for your help, that
you'd do anything for them?

Become that person. Be generous. Ask for help.

One of my beloved clients and an actor in NYC, Gregory
Halpen has learned how to ask for help as well as anyone I
know. He's gotten so good at it that he now leads a support
group for actors. If you want to know more, contact Gregory
at gregory@gregoryhalpen.com. For those of you elsewhere in
the world, why not start a support group of your own?

The people around you (yes, even casting directors) love you
and want to help you succeed. Your job is to let them, maybe
even teach them to, by simply asking for their help.

It isn't always easy. Seems to me there are three important
steps to take:

1. Know what help you need before you can ask. A vague
request can be worse than no request at all. Make it
specific.

2. Make yourself courageous and vulnerable enough to ask.
Perhaps considering asking for help feels like you'd be
giving up even more control or that it's a sign of weakness.
Actually, for that very reason, it takes more courage &
strength than not asking. Stretching outside of your comfort
zone and admitting you don't have all the answers is the
real act of bravery.

3. Grant the help you're receiving the power it deserves.
Honor the fact that it's coming from a source outside of you
and is therefore greater than the sum of its parts.
Collaboration is necessary for anything worthwhile.

You should know that I love you and I want you to succeed.
Even those of you I've never spoken to. So however I can
help you, please ask me. And if you don't know what to ask,
ask for my help in figuring out what to ask for - that's my
specialty.

For a free simple exercise in getting the help you need, go
to my website at http://www.ActorsSuccess.com and sign up
for my electronic newsletter.

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